Self Evaluation

After watching my own oral presentation from the comfort of my own room, I've made a self evaluation that would be this one.
I'm pretty sure that one of my biggest failures is the timing. It should have lasted at least 5 minutes and mine took 3 minutes and a half only. This was bcause of something that we will discuss in the section "content".
In regards to the rest of the oral presentation, I personally believe that it went quite well.
About the body language part I'm not going to lie; it was a complete disaster. Truth be told, most of the time I pretended that I was reading from my notes, but I was only hiding away from the audience, because I find them quite scary.Even with that taken into consideration, I'm actually happy about how it went in comparison to the rest of my oral presentations, where I got so nervousthat I couldn't even speak. Actally, even some classmates noticed that as well and congartulated me about it.
We'll skip the structre part (because I think that went quite well) straight forward to the content part, that was along the timing, the major issue.
The thing is that I actually had information for like 3 or 4 more slideshows, but somehow it got lost on the way. I looked on the draft-guide and it was there, but it never made it to the powerpoint. I guess that it was due to the anxiety of the moment, because I do remember feeling very anxious while editing the powerpoint and thinking how I was supposed to talk for a long time in front of humans.
I had a language mistake (that I know) because I said "more actual shows" instead of "shows that you can find on TV nowadays".
And I think my pronunciation is a bit lame but I try my hardest, so I can't improve that, and my intonation, like I said in the body language part, had a big improvment in comparison to last year but still with some failures. Taken his into consideration, I'll try to bear it in mind for the next time and I'll try my hardest to do it better.

Tired

I'm pretty sure that I've never been this tired in my entire life. It's like I haven't slept in days. I have had many sleepless nights, and I know how it feels, so I can properly say that this is even worse. I don't have the energy or the motivation to do anything. I'm pretty sure that I just keep going on because that's what I'm supposed to do.
I just want to sleep. I'm always tired. Even today, that I have slept more than 10 hours, just like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that I can't keep up with this. At all. And I'm not even sure that I want to. What's the point? It just doesn't make much sense.

I used to worry about everything so much. I would have anxiety attacks every single day because I cared so much about everything.

And now.... It just seems impossible for me to care about anything. I just don't care.

Last year, and the one before that (and the one before that) I was obsessed with failing some subjects and I couldn't bare the thought of failing and repeating a year, but now... I just don't care. At all.
It seems so insignificant right now. Like everything.

I don't even know how I manage to get out of bed every day. Inertia, I guess. But it's  pointless. What's the point anyway?

I'm just... so tired. Things that made me anxious don't seem to matter anymore, but things that made me happy are starting to become insignificant as well.
Some people that I used to find funny annoy me so much when they talk to me, even though they don't have done or said anything wrong. I just want them to stop. I just want everything to stop.


And I think about everything I have to do and it seems that I can't take it.
So many tests, so many homework... I can't do it, I'm just so damn tired about everything. I think that even the simple thought of existing makes me tired.
I just procrastinate everything because I don't want to face it. I hate everything. No. I don't hate it. But I don't have the energy and I don't feel like it. It doesn't seem to matter anymore. Even though I know it does. At least, it is supposed to.



God, I'm so annoying. I don't even know why I wrote this. I guess I'm out of ideas and this is the first thought that crossed my mind. I'm sorry about this. Even tough it's just a post and it doesn't even matter

Lack of sleep

Basically, this article says that scientists have revealed that sleeping less than 6 hours a day can increase the risk of an early death. It also says that it may lead to illness as well.

According to this, I'm good as dead. I've been sleeping less than 6 hours for a long time, and I haven't had 8 daily hours of sleep in like, 6 years. Thanks to high school, of course. I'd like to congratulate whoever decided to start at 8.00am every day, because I may die sooner than expected thanks to them.
Thanks :3.

Link to the article

I used to be evil

I get bored easily, and in those boring moments, I like to think. And sometimes when I think I use to remember things.

The other day I was walking the dog and I started to think about my childhood.

And I remember that I used to be... "violent".

Even though I was also very nice, I had a really bad temper.


I remember that once my mom left me in my grandma's house, and I didn't want to stay. I don't remember why, but I didn't feel like staying there. So I started to get pissed, and I also started to cry and scream. I was probably like 2 or 3 years old, so you can imagine how kids of that age can get.
So my grandma held me in her arms trying to calm me, but I kept screaming to my mom that I wanted to go home and I didn't wanted to stay there, but she was starting to leave.
And my grandma used to have this necklace that she always wore, that it was like one of those jesus-religious things with a picture of a saint, and I got so pissed that I screamed "I SAID I DON'T WANT TO STAY IN GRANDMA'S!" and ripped of the necklace from her neck.

Then I remember that everyone was like ":O" and they didn't know how to react to that, so no one said anything. And my grandma had a red mark of me ripping the necklace.


I felt guilty at the second I saw the broken necklace in my hand, and I felt guilty for like 10 years (I don't feel guilty anymore, I don't know why) but damn, I was such a spoiled brat.




I also remember that once, in one of my old schools, I got so pissed with 2 "friends" of mine that I grabbed both of their heads and crashed them against each other. And again, and again, and again.

Well, I remember those two "friends", and they probably deserved it.

My sister saw me, and she keeps telling me how weird it was to see a 6 year-old kid smashing the head of two 6 year-old kids against each other, but I don't believe it was weird. I believe it was justice.

Kids are evil. They get away with everything just because they're little kids, so some of them act like small satanic creatures knowingly and even smile at you like "hey, look what I just did".

Beware the kids.


Actually, beware of the humans.

The Simpsons predicted it.

Back in 2000, an episode of The Simpsons predicted that Donald Trump would be the president of the United States. It is mentioned in the episode Bart to the future, where Lisa becomes the president of the United States and says that the previous president, president Trump, had ruined the country.

The writer explained that they wrote it because "that just seemed like the logical last stop before hitting bottom. It was consistent with the vision of America going insane."

So, if some people were able to see how much of a terrible idea is Trump becoming the president sixteen years ago, I can't understand how can some people not see it now and support him, vote him and make him the president. Humans are unbelievable.

Link

Procrastinating

I am procrastination. It's not that I procrastinate anymore; I have become procrastination itself. And I don't even mean it, I try so hard to focus and do homework/studying a bit that I just can't. I just can't. I try to sit and stare at the book that is in front of me, but before I even notice, unconsciously I have risen from the chair and I'm heading to the stairs, to have a full guided tour by myself through my house, that may take 5 minutes or 3 hours. I just start wandering around every hallway of the house while I think about everything and nothing at the same time, and when I realize that I should go back to study, I aslo realize that I have spent more than half an hour walking around some random room.
When I go back and I try to focus, I just can't. Sometimes I just repeat what I just did (having a looooooong walk), or sometimes I stare at the book while I get anxious and I end up throwing the book away (like in a literal way) and
a. Having an anxiety attack.
b. Hating everything and being pissed.
c. Both.

I don't know. It's never been like this. It has gotten worse and worse over the year. I remember of myself in of 1st of ESO, when I just happened to be a lazy human who wasn't much interested in school, but I had no problem focusing on homework. But now, it's practically impossible. I started to have this problem in 3rd of ESO, but I managed to overcome it. It was hard and I failed a few subjects because I just couldn't study without having a rage attack (books, notebooks and pencils flew all over the room), but I ended up managing. It wasn't as bad as it is now.
Now I spend like 2 hours doing something that usually would have taken like half an hour. And it's not a way of speaking or an exaggeration. The last few times that this happened, I counted the time and it was that. 2 hours of my life wasted away forever.

I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably end up failing everything because I can't focus on anything. Well, I guess there's not much I can do.